


Painful Memories and Sweet Nightmares

by Unnecessarily_Sarcastic



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Ashley is annoying, Bisexual Josh Washington, Cute Ending, Dorks in Love, Emily is a bitch and i love her, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Is Alive, Everyone Needs A Hug, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Half-Wendigo Josh Washington, Happy Ending, How Do I Tag, I Tried, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Jessica is depressed, M/M, Mike loves dogs, Past Relationship(s), Protective Chris, Sam is Concerned, Schizophrenic Josh Washington, The Author Regrets Everything, The Hannah wendigo is alive, Wendigo Hannah Washington, Why Did I Write This?, but also a sweetheart, especially wolfie, honestly she's so sad i'm so sorry bb, let's pretend she wasn't in the fire ok, the stranger is alive
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-12 01:37:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16863772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unnecessarily_Sarcastic/pseuds/Unnecessarily_Sarcastic
Summary: The majority of them are alive. They got out and will never have to go through that hell again. They think they're relieved.There was one person who didn't make it out, and they all know this. Only one person who wasn't with them as they watched thte lodge burn down to nothing, one person who they know never would've been alive after that.Josh.They don't say anything about the poor boy. They think about him a lot, about how he hadn't meant to hurt them all like that, how he had been snatched from them, never to be seen again.They keep him in their thoughts, only their thoughts. No words are spoken of him; they would rather reduce him to a pitying memory than talk and remember the horriyfing things he did, even if he hadn't meant to cause them all harm.Chris doesn't like that.He doesn't want to keep Josh as just a pitying thought or a traumatising memory. He was a friend, a messed up one who needed a lot of help, but still a friend. Chris misses him.So he goes back. Is he completely sure why? Nope.Will there be anything there for him? Nope.But it's better than forgetting.





	Painful Memories and Sweet Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Galaxy_Angst](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Galaxy_Angst/gifts).



> For my best friend, who has been writing for so long. You introduced me to this amazing game, and inspired me to start writing again. Thank you so much!!
> 
> Hi! This is my first fic on here, I really hope you like it.  
> Some of the characters might have little habits here and there throughout this fic that they don't actually have in the game or anything? Yeah that's just me, self-projecting my own habits on to them.

Chris is insane.  
  
There's no other way to put it, really. Willingly going back to that place; to that hell where it felt like sunrise was never going to come, where nightmares became real. The place they all almost died.

  
But they didn't, and they're not sure if it's something to be thankful of; every night is hell for them, every movement out of the corners of their eyes reduces them to a trembling mess.

Any noise - quite or loud, sudden or lasting - has them praying that it's not what they think it is, that it's not those godforsaken abominations, that they'll live to see another day.

  
They always do, of course. They're not up there any more. Most of them survived, and will now continue to survive until they grow old.

  
They never say that they all made it out, because that's not true.

There was one person who didn't make it out, and they all know this. Only one person who wasn't with them as they watched thte lodge burn down to nothing, one person who they know never would've been alive after that.

Josh.

They don't say anything about the . They think about him a lot, about how he hadn't meant to hurt them all like that, how he had been snatched from them, never to be seen again.

  
They keep him in their thoughts; only their thoughts. No words are spoken of him; they would rather reduce him to a pitying memory than talk and remember the horriyfing things he did, even if he hadn't meant to cause them all harm.

Chris doesn't like that.

He doesn't want to keep Josh as just a pitying thought. He was a friend, a messed up one who needed a lot of help, but still a friend. Chris misses him.

He misses the twisted sense of humour, the perverted jokes and the low-key pranks.

  
He misses the soft smiles, the quiet voice - that they found could get oh so loud - and the laughs that lit up his entire face.  
  
Chris goes back. He goes back very soon after that night. He knows deep down that Josh is gone and there will be nothing there for him except painful memories. But still, he thinks, that's better than forgetting.  
  
So. Chris is insane.  
  
He doesn't care.  
  
Everyone else does.  
  
They yell at him, beg for him to stay here, to stay safe. They get angry when he says no, they get angry and desperate and almost hysterical. They can't lose him, not after everything that happened; yet they fail to stop him from going, back to that place where they know he won't make it out a second time.

Ashley breaks up with him.

Mike thinks he's being stupid.

They all wail and cry and fight, and eventually get ready to never see him again.

  
    
<<<>>>

  
   
They don't see him again, not for a long time. He doesn't come back and they fear the worst. But there's no searches for him, no news that he's missing and no evidence that he's been taken when mountain rangers are eventually asked to look for him during the day. He's living in the house, they report back, and he's fine.  
  
They're amazed, and relieved.  
  
They start to get curious.  
  
Chris is alive. He's been at that place for months, and he's still alive. They want to see him. Badly.  
  
And then they start to consider it.  
  
They start to wonder if they should go to visit him. They start to wonder if they'll manage to stay alive too.  
  
They carry on wondering for a long time.  
Almost a year passes before they're ready to go and see him.

   
<<<>>>

  
  
They go during the day. They're not blind to what's up there any more. They know what to do, they think.  
  
Jess almost has a panic attack.

So does Matt.

Emily wants to tell them to shut up, that they're being pathetic. She can't. The words are lodged in her throat and won't come out.

  
The place won't be the same. Of course it won't; it was almost all burnt to the ground. They feel relieved at this, that they'll never have to see that house again.  
  
The cable car is still the same. The shooting range is still the same. (Sam smiles at the memory of watching Chris shoot. He was good, wasn't he?

She remembers watching him goof around and dance after hitting target after target and suddenly wants to cry.

Everything was so carefree and happy back then.

 

It's not now.)

  
  
They all get in the cable car before they can start to think twice and sit in silence. None of them can sit still; Ashley keeps picking at loose threads on her gloves. Mike can't stop his leg from bouncing up and down. Emily threads her hands through her hair again and again.  
  
Jess feels like she might be sick. She doesn't say anything.  
  
The cable car shudders to a stop and they climb out and -  
  
"What the fuck?"

  
  
They don't believe it.

  
  
"What the _fuck?"_  
  
Mike's voice is loud. Even though it's day and there is nothing to get them, they all hiss at him to be quiet. They can't help it. Instinct reaction.  
  
The house isn't burnt down or gone. It's right there, in front of them. There's some scaffolding on the left side of the house but apart from that it looks fine.  
It looks new.  
  
It takes them a while to move towards the house and knock on the door. They hear a few muffled curses from inside and quick footsteps.

Then it's silent.

A figure comes in to view through the glass, and they're tense for a moment.

  
But it's only Chris.

  
As he gets closer they can see a confused look on his face. They understand why. They didn't tell him they were coming.  
The door opens and there he is.  
God, they've missed him. And he's missed them too.  
  
"Woah, guys. The hell are you doing up here?"  
  
The confused look has turned into one of slight annoyance. Not quite the reaction they were hoping for, but they'll take it.  
  
"We came to visit. We really missed you, you know."  
  
The look on Chris's face softens and Sam feels some of the tension leave her.  
  
"I missed you too," he says. "But you should've given me a few days notice that you were coming. Seriously, you should stay somewhere else and come back up after a couple of days."  
  
They're all confused. Not to mention kind of hurt. Did he not want them to stay? Did he want the house to himself?  
Emily gets annoyed.  
  
"Do you have any idea how hard it was to come up here? I don't care what you say, prick. I'm not doing that again."  
  
Chris winces at her words. He remembers how hard it was for him to venture all the way back here and _yeah,_ he does sound like a dick, doesn't he?  
   
"I'm sorry, I just - there's a lot going on right now. You can stay now, if you really want. Just... just let me take care of something real quick, okay?"  
  
He rushes out of sight before they can answer and leaves them, bewildered. Sam shakes her head and moves as if to get inside when Chris comes back, jumping back into view, almost making her scream.  
Ashley actually does.  
  
"I - shit, sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I just - could you wait out there? Until I come back? Like, I - it won't take long, I promise."  
  
Sam's still confused but she nods, stepping back to the others. Chris sighs and nods, before disappearing again.  
  
" _What_ is his problem?"  
  
Sam turns to them frowning but Emily continues talking.  
  
"Like, seriously. It's like he doesn't want us here."  
  
Matt nods slowly.  
  
"He's being weird. And not in the way he usually is. It's like he's..."  
  
Mike cuts him off. "Hiding something."  
Jess sighs and wraps her arms round herself.

She doesn't want to be here anymore. She can't remember much of her time here almost a year ago, but what she can remember makes her want to throw up.

Or scream.

Or maybe both.  
  
Mike notices her and puts an arm round her. She leans into him, grateful.  
  
Sam smiles at them, before focusing on what they were talking about.  
  
"Guys. We just showed up without warning," she reminds. "He didn't know we were coming.  He could have stuff everywhere. Who knows, he could've even been with a girl. Just cut it out, okay?"

Ashley tenses up when Sam mentions the possibility of Chris being with a girl.

She's thought about it before, and each time she felt nauseous. She thinks she's missed Chris more than anyone and god, she just wants him back. She's already made a plan to get him back, and if that fails then she'll do anything. She shouldn't have broken up with him.

 

But what if he had died? It would've been harder, so much harder.

  
  
Everyone else is oblivious to Ashley and her internal conflict, and considers Sam's words.  
  
"I guess."  
  
Emily wants to protest but Matt nods at Mike's agreement and puts a hand on her shoulder. She folds her arms and lets out a huff.

She doesn't say anything.

  
Jess stays quiet. She's done that a lot the past year. She used to be so loud and careless and happy. The first time Mike made her smile, almost a month after that night, he felt so happy he could've cried.

 

 <<<>>>

 

They stand there for a while longer. A few snowflakes float down and they watch them in silence.  
  
About five minutes pass until they hear dull thudding footsteps. And then Chris is at the door again, face flushed, glasses askew, and breathing heavy. But he's grinning at them now, and they can't help but smile back.  
Yes. Even Emily.  
  
He invites them inside and starts explaining about the house.  
"Their parents wanted it to be rebuilt," he tells them. "When I came back it was off limits, scaffolding and construction workers everywhere. So I got in touch with Josh's parents and they said I could stay with them until the house was stable, or something."  
  
Ashley pipes up. "Why did they want it rebuilt?"  
  
She doesn't need to go further in to the question, everyone understands; _why would parents want to rebuild the place where all three of their children were taken away from them and killed?_

 

It's uncomfortable for everyone.

  
  
"I didn't ask them much about it. None of us wanted to talk about what happened."  
Chris suddenly looks very tired and even a bit sick, and everyone simultaneously decides to talk about something else. Something happy.  
  
"You've gotten even taller."  
  
Ashley says the first thing that comes into her head and Chris sends a small, weak smile her way.

  
"I grew a bit and I thought I'd have a chance to catch up," she continues, her heart beginning to thud at a weirdly fast pace. Everyone's looking at her. "Turns out I'm still, like, the smallest."  
  
Mike laughs. "No way. I can say with confidence that Jessica is the smallest here."  
A small laugh goes through the group and Jess makes a small noise of indignation. She elbows Mike but she's smiling and laughing and having a good time and he feels that happiness swell up inside him.

  
He realizes that he loves the girl in front of him; he loves her so goddamn much.  
   
Everyone seems to relax after that, slowly but surely. Ashley feels proud. And very happy. Chris doesn't seem to upset or awkward around her. She takes that as a good sign; maybe they _will_ end up together again.

<<<>>>

It's dark outside now. Jessica's fallen asleep and has Mike's jacket as a blanket. Matt and Emily are alseep too.

It's been a long day; they passed out within three hours of settling back into the lodge. Chris got a fire going, and they've been sitting in front of it for a while now. It feels so nice; wonderfully nice and warm.

 

And safe.

 

Mike decides it's time for him to hit the hay, and does his best to carry Jessica to their room without waking her. He whispers a quiet 'goodnight' to Sam, Chris and Ashley before making his way up the wooden stairs.

He remembers watching a Wendigo being flung into these stairs with tremendous force, smashing them to splinters. He shudders, tells himself to quit being dumb, and pushes ahead to the room.

 

Chris watches Mike leave, and waits until he hears the click of the door to turn back to the fire. He seems on edge, but all of those who are awake right now are as well.

 

It's night now.

 

Sam is expecting to hear something moving at an inhumane speed outside, or a peircing shriek from the obsidian woods, but she hears nothing. It's a relief, to say the least. She's not fully relaxed anymore though. It still feels like something's out there, watching them.

"There's something out there still," she says to Chris, never moving her eyes from the door. Her voice is low and quiet, but Ashley still hears. "Isn't there."

 

It's not really a question; she _knows_ something is there. She just wants confirmation from Chris, and she gets it.

 

"Yeah." She's surprised when he says it so easily, so quickly. Ashley makes a strangled noise and puts her head in her hands. "Honestly, I don't know what we were doing back then, thinking we'd gotten rid of every single one up here. There's too many to count."

"Please tell me you're not talking about what I think you are, Chris," mutters Ashley, voice gradually rising. "Please, Chris. Don't say what I think you're going to, this isn't funny."

Chris sighs. "Ash, I'm sorry. But there was no way we could've -"

She cuts him off, wailing softly. "This was a mistake, why did we come back? They're still here, god, we're going to die, we-we're going to be torn apart and eaten by -"

 

That's when they hear it.

 

The shriek.

 

It's all too familiar and they freeze. None of them are breathing; all of them are looking at the windows. It doesn't sound close, but it doesn't matter.

It's out there.

"Wendigos." Sam finishes quietly, looking at the floor. Chris winces, but nods.

"Yeah. They don't come near here much, though. I've never had to fight with one or anything."

Chris knows why, but doesn't say anything. He's going to keep quiet until he's sure everyone has fully settled in and been made aware of the Wendigos.

 

Sam is still staring at the floor, an unreadable look on her face.

"One of them is Hannah," she whispers after a few long moments of almost unbearable silence. "She ate Beth to survive. She became one of them, she was in the house with us."

Ashley looks like she's about to pass out. "Sam, stop it. I don't want to remember."

 

Sam continues, ignoring - or not hearing - Ashley's pleads. "So Beth's dead. Hannah might as well be; that thing isn't Hanah anymore. Josh... Josh is gone too. They've all been taken from us."

She's not sure where she's going with this. but Chris puts an arm round her. "I know."

He sounds like he might start crying. Sam doesn't blame him.

 

"And now we're here again? Are we crazy?"

 

Chris doesn't hesitate to reply; "yes. Absolutely."

Sam finds herself laughing, and Chris joins her. Ashley looks at them like they're both crazy and stands up.

 

"This isn't funny. God, what is wrong with you? We're going to die." She's not exactly yelling, but her voice is louder than before.

She makes her way over to the stairs, murmuring 'this isn't funny' as she does so.

 

She's halfway up the stairs when another shriek rings out from the woods and a sob escapes her mouth.

 

She runs up the rest of the stairs and doesn't stop until she's inside her room.

 

<<<>>>

 

Sam and Chris carry on talking for a long time. They talk about Hannah and Beth and Josh, and their own unique memories of them.

Sam admits to her stupidly thinking she had a connection with Josh, and Chris admits to thinking something similar. They comfort each other and laugh over it all, and carry on talking.

 

Emily and Matt wake up at some point and head to bed.

Neither Sam or Chris say anything about the Wendigos.

 

It's almost two in the morning when Sam decides to go to bed. They've heard a few more screams from the Wendigos outside, but payed little attention.

Just like Chris said, they never came close to the lodge.

 

"I miss them all so much," she mutters as she stands up. Chris stands with her, smiling sadly.

"I miss them too," he says, pushing his glasses up. "But Beth is hopefully somewhere better now. Josh too. And Hannah -"

"Hannah's still out there, suffering."

They look at each other, before Sam sighs. "I told them not to do that prank but they didn't listen. I fucking told them again and again, maybe they would've listened if I'd told them a few more times..."

 

Chris is a little taken aback. Has he ever heard Sam swear like that before? He's not sure.

 

"It was two years ago, you can't blame yourself anymore. Josh used to do that too, and you saw what the guilt did to him. You can't let that happen to you."

Sam nods, before yawning and making her way towards the stairs. "Yeah. You coming up?"

Chris gestures towards the fire. "I'll be up in a bit. Get some rest."

Sam nods once again, slower, before walking up the stairs.

 

"Goodnight, Chris."

 

"Night, Sam."

 

<<<>>>

 

Chris doesn't like lying, especially to his friends.

But with what he's discovered this past year or so and how he thinks they'll react, what choice does he have?

 

It's not just him who doesn't like this.

They were discussing what they'd do if everyone told Chris that they were coming back, and then they just showed up.

No calls, no messages, no warning of any kind.

 

They were just... here.

Chris hadn't had any time to think or plan out what he was going to do. He'd panicked, and he knew that they'd noticed.

 

Chris sighs as he puts the fire out. He turns and begins to make his way to the basement, thoughts swirling round in his mind. He makes sure the doors are locked before he goes downn the stone steps, trying to be quiet so as not to alert anyone upstairs - not what waits for him down here.

It doesn't matter if he tried to be quiet for that reason anyway. He'd be heard no matter what he did.

 

He shakes his head and attempts to clear his mind as he stops at the foot of the stairs. He looks around and sees nothing, but he's not worried.

He knows what's down here. Hell, he hid it himself.

 

"Josh?"

 

And there he is. He suddenly appears in front of Chris, moving too fast to be human. It makes Chris jump and Josh starts to apologise, stuttering and shaking.

Chris smiles and takes hold of Josh's wrists. He can feel him shaking.

 

"Josh, it's okay. I just forget how fast you can get, don't worry."

He stops stuttering, but Chris can still feel him shaking.

 

"I heard the screams again," he says quietly. "I heard voices, your voice, and then the screams."

Chris knows what question is coming.

"Were they real?"

 

Chris lets go if his wrists so he can wrap his arms round him, and pulls him into a tight hug.

"Wendigo screams?"

"I... Yeah. Wendigo screams."

"They were real. I heard them too. So did Sam, and Ashley."

 

Josh tenses at their names, but doesn't comment on them.

"I think they need to see you. All of them," suggests Chris, taking quietly. He knows Josh won't agree; he'd just gotten used to being around Chris, to being somewhat comfortable with what he was now.

Just as he thinks so, Josh makes a noise of disagreement and his hands find their way to the hem of Chris' sweater. They hold on tight, the unusually sharp nails creating small tears in the fabric.

Chris sighs, and holds Josh tigher. "Okay. I get it. You can choose when you want to see them, if at all."

 

He hears a mumble from the boy with his head buried in his chest.

 

"What?"

 

Josh looks up, a small smile on his scarred face. "I said that I'd nod, but I don't want this-" he brings a hand up to gesture to the left side of his face, "to get caught in your sweater."

 

Chris finds himself laughing, and Josh laughs too.

 

<<<>>>

 

When he came back to this place, about a year ago now he supposes, he never thought he'd find Josh wandering around near the entrance of the mines. He'd looked so lost and sad, and Chris had taken him back and looked after him until he was as close to okay as he could get him.

Chris had never been scared of Josh.

Even when Josh had told him that he'd eaten people, that he still wanted to sometimes. Even when Josh would wake up screaming, just like one of those, when it took him so long to calm down and remember where he was. Even when Josh had nearly killed Chris, throwing him across a room before tryping to claw at his throat.

It's crazy, he knows that. But it's Josh. Chris can't bring himself to be scared of him.

 

It's the others that he's worried about.

 

They almost died last time they were here.

They fought off Wendigos, and suffered mentally and pysically for it.

They despise and fear Wendigos.

Chris saw what they did to them last time they were here; they stopped at nothing to kill the Wendigos and get away safe.

 

And when they see what Josh has become?

 

They'll stop at nothing to kill him, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! This has been the first fic I've written in years, so any comments/kudos are greatly alleviated I appreciated (haha please don't be too harsh, I know it's bad). There will probably be more to this, but I get distracted and unmotivated pretty easily, haha.


End file.
